“Hi, my name is Mark and I’m a …….” As I am sitting here praying and entering God’s presence, that thought came to mind. How would I introduce myself? At this time, at this moment, I honestly think I would say, “Hi, my name is Mark and I’m a leader who is more fragile than I would care to admit.”

frag’ ile – easily broken; brittle; frail; delicate; easily destroyed.

I don’t like feeling  fragile. Easily broken. Brittle. Frail. Delicate. Easily destroyed. Each a sad description. Then you apply that to someone who is supposed to be a leader. A leader who is easily broken. A brittle leader. A frail leader. A delicate leader. A leader who is easily destroyed. That’s just great! And yet, fragile is what comes to mind when I think of where I am.

The truth is, leading is hard, at least for me. I care about people. I care about how they feel. I care about what they say. I care about what they do. And I admit I walk a very fine line between truly caring about others and caring about what others think of me. The Bible calls that “the fear of man.” Caring about others leads me to do things that are good and healthy. Caring about what others think about me leads me to do things that are unhealthy, especially to me. It’s a fine line that I need to gain greater awareness of when I cross that line. Much of the fragility I feel stems from that unhealthy care of what others think of me. To some, that’s silly, but that is the challenge I face, especially as a leader.

Now couple that with something else I feel…passion! There is a passion in my heart to walk in everything God has for me. To be the leader that He has called me to be. To truly and fully walk in a manner worthy of my calling. To see as many people as I can walk in God’s call for their lives. I live for that. I would die for that, I think. It’s that passion to walk in God’s call and to see people become all that God created them to be that keeps me going. It’s what motivates me to continue to step out in faith and become the leader God has called me to me. Fragile and passion. What a crazy combination!

Now here’s the revelation. I realize that this is part of the process of truly abiding in Christ. In order to abide, I need to be honest with myself. I need to go to God just as I am. I need to go to God with all my frailties. The truth is, He knows me inside and out anyway. I am realizing that feeling fragile is a step closer to where I need to be.

Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.  2 Cor. 12:9-10

When I am weak, then I am made strong. I want to be strong. Not as the world describes strength. I want to my heart to continue to be soft. I don’t want a harden heart or a thicker skin. I want to be strong like how Jesus was strong. I want to experience a strength that is supplied by grace. And if God’s power works best in weakness, then I am on the right track! How wonderful it will be when I can actually take pleasure in my weakness. When I can take pleasure in the insults of others. When I can take pleasure in the hardships, persecution, and troubles I suffer for Christ. When criticisms  or the disapproval of others do not affect me like it does today. When I can face all that, not with a hard heart or thick skin but in a strength that is found in God’s amazing grace.

The more I take steps on this journey, the more thankful I am to God for lovingly leading me. I can see that it’s more than just communing with God in a deeper way. It’s living life from a far greater perspective. It’s living life with a far greater power. It’s being, “glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.” It’s about tapping into the power to live and walk in a manner worthy of my calling.

“Father, help me to see life through your eyes in a greater way. Help me to take pleasure in my weakness. Help me to be a conduit of your grace and if your power works best in weakness, so be it. I thank you for my weakness. I thank you for my fragility. For when I am weak, then I am strong. Thank you!  In Jesus’ Name, Amen.”

another step, a big step!

a note: I believe this is still going to post on FB even though I said that I would be taking a break. I don’t know how I got this linked up to FB and not sure how to unlink it. So for now, I guess it will continue to post on FB. As I said on FB, I will be taking a break from FB so I won’t be checking things on there. Thanks!